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It’s not that the Marlon Wayans horror spoof “A Haunted House 2” isn’t stupid. It’s certainly likely to be among the worst movies in wide release this year, but it’s far from the most hateable, and that should count for something. He’s worked with Darren Aronofsky ("Requiem for a Dream") and the Coens ("The Ladykilers").
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Megan then puts a creepy looking doll named Abigail on a chair by their bed. Malcolm messes around with it until he starts having sex with it. Malcolm carries his camera around to record everything he sees.
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What happens to it confirms my unnatural fear of ceiling fans. The rooster’s facial reaction to Wayans’ attempt to destroy it (which you can also see in the commercials) is the only laugh to be had in "A Haunted House 2." Unless you've seen every awful horror flick of the past five years, you won't even get the jokes. This moronic, witless, unbearably mirth-free mess finds Wayans endlessly mining ethnic stereotypes then mocking them for supposed humor.
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The ghost will give me a better, less shaky look at the terrible things it’s doing to the deserving victim. Since it knows exactly what’s about to go down, it will choose better angles and shots. Additionally, Becky finds an old box and develops an attachment to it, and Wyatt continues to hang out with his imaginary friend.
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They take hits from a bong mask and go downstairs to find Becky fully possessed. Malcolm calls upon Doug to come by, but he has a mental breakdown along with the ghost possessing him and ends up shooting himself in the head. After some reluctance, he gets the demon to transfer itself to himself by having Becky regurgitate red goo. Everybody runs upstairs to find Malcolm possessed (who then gets beat up).
A Haunted House 2
Malcolm ends up wrestling the chicken all across the kitchen, ending with him throwing the chicken up into the ceiling fan where it is decapitated. Malcolm Johnson and his cousin Ray-Ray are driving Malcolm's possessed girlfriend Kisha to the hospital after he beat her senseless for trying to attack him. Kisha starts making a fuss and fights Malcolm, then breathes into Ray's face. Somehow, everybody is okay, but Malcolm and Ray leave an unconscious Kisha in the backseat and run away. Our newsletter hand-delivers the best bits to your inbox. Sign up to unlock our digital magazines and also receive the latest news, events, offers and partner promotions.
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Malcolm seeks help from a paranormal psychologist named Professor Wilde. He deduces that Malcolm must have had a previous encounter with a demonic force. Wilde then proceeds to cook meth with some prostitutes, but then gets arrested by the police. Malcolm finds himself being terrorized and taunted by Abigail, as he is getting sent crude photos from her to his phone.
(In fact, don’t read this paragraph.) A canine is squashed flatter than a pancake by a safe, which admittedly is done in exaggerated comic fashion, but another is beaten, shot repeatedly and chainsawed. The resulting carnage is lovingly depicted, and if that weren’t enough, the poor creature’s head is then blown off by a shotgun in front of Megan’s kids. Some of the stuff I’ve found funny would curl your hair and probably make you pray for me.
Malcolm dramatically cries all the way to when they bury the dog. In a plot twist I wish "Sex and the City" had used, Malcolm discovers that Kisha sold her soul to the Devil for a pair of expensive shoes. Mucho mayhem ensues, most of it manifested as reprehensibly unfunny homophobia. In a scene one can never unsee, Malcolm is raped by the evil spirit haunting his house, a rape he uploads to YouTube by accident. A lot of people apparently thought so, otherwise we wouldn’t have this sequel.
Later, Malcolm sees Abigail wrote "Miss me?" in red crayon all over the walls. He tries getting rid of her by burying her, sending her to Taiwan, chopping her up and barbecuing her, but she comes back each time. Far from those kid-friendly rides through a pumpkin patch, this hayride unleashes all sorts of demons and bogeys on Griffith Park. Like so many pop culture horror experiences recently, this year’s Haunted Hayride once again rewinds the action to the mid-’80s in the ficticious town of Midnight Falls. As a parody of found footage movies, 2013’s "A Haunted House" offered the potential for a scene like this.
He co-wrote the similar, though far funnier "Scary Movie." And whenever he speaks of his long-gestating Richard Pryor biopic, tingles go up my spine. Why did I need to see scene after unfunny scene of Wayans nakedly humping a creepy children’s doll (there must be 10 minutes of this footage)? Who gives a damn what movie it’s supposed to be parodying?
